Bromance/Romance

A few days ago, I was waiting for the bus, and this man walked out of the building on the corner. He smiled and me, and I smiled back and said hello. Honestly, there are a lot of Greek guys in the neighborhood who look similar. I've met so many of them on the street with Blitz or through the valets or construction workers I talk to. So I said hello to this man, and it started. He asked me my name, if I was Greek, if I lived in the area, etc. It wasn't creepy or anything, so I decided I'd go with it. I mean, I have a finger surrounded by diamonds that wards off unwelcome advances, right? So this man introduces himself, and in the process tells me that everyone calls him by his Hebrew name. My autopilot kicks in, and I blurt out, "I'm Jewish, too!" Silly Allie. Now the guy is really interested in talking with me. And he wants to give me his number. His words are respectful, but his eyes say he wants to eat me for dinner... Luckily the bus came a few minutes later, so I didn't have to navigate my way through the situation any further.

I've been thinking about a post of this nature for some time, and the event I just described is a perfect lead-in to exploring the many roads between bromance and romance. There I was on the street, and this nice man wants to swap info and just chat, and my brain is on the verge of exploding because I'm trying to figure out his intentions and what's appropriate and if we're on the same page. And that's the stuff I want to address.

When you're a kid, and you meet someone, and you like them, you say, "Do you want to be friends?" or "Do you want to come play outside?" No matter if it's a boy or a girl or an older or younger neighbor, there's no such thing as a motive other than friendship. Eventually, we reach an age where any social time with a member of the opposite sex (or sex we're attracted to) leaves a big ? dangling in the air. And that's the adventure of life for as many years as we'd like.

Sometimes, when we're adults, we can simplify this all. For example, I did 4 shows in a row with the same guy, Z. One day, sometime during show 3 I think, Z says to me, "Can we be real friends, not just show friends?" At this point, we knew each other pretty well anyway, so it made sense for him to put it that way--we could be spending more time together instead of a quick catch up before or after showtime. Still, there it was--a clear line drawn by two people that have a great time together. And you know what; we're still friends.

But what about when you meet someone new and you just like them enough to want to see them again? What about all the middle ground between making a real friend out of someone you see daily and approaching someone on the street (which I happen to think has to be sparked by the physical)? I've found myself in this situation a few times, and I've come to the conclusion that being a child is way, way easier. Because the words are the same as they would be if you're asking someone out, so the only difference is intention. Should we expect our inviter to say, "Want to get a drink sometime? But please know that I totally respect your relationship, so I'm only asking you as friends. I'm not a creep." That's just silly. And besides, does it matter if one or both parties are in a relationship? Well, that depends.

There are several wonderful men in my life that I hang out with. This past year, I've found myself out with one or another of them one on one. And I look around, and I wonder--does everyone in this room assume we're on a date? And if they do, does it matter? To me? To them? To morality? Does it matter what it looks like, or does it just matter what it is? Can something be inappropriate because to someone else it looks like something it isn't? I think that's silly, too.

The only way to measure if something is appropriate or not is to know the intentions of both parties. And really, we're the only ones that know how we feel. So what, we're supposed to declare our intentions before hanging out? That's the silliest idea of all. Like nobody's ever played the friend card in the hope of flipping it over to reveal a morethanfriend card? And good thing for that, for all of the beautiful relationships born out of friendship.

It's a fascinating subject to me--navigating adult relationships, new relationships, opposite sex relationships. I'm fascinated by situations where it's possible to under-communicate or over-communicate. I think it's interesting that forming relationships can complicate or simplify in different phases of our lives. It's been on my mind since I've been married and exploring the various responsibilities that entails. I've been trying to figure out if there are any cases in which I'm supposed to be clear about where my life is at or not.
So far, the conclusion I've come to is that all is well... unless a stranger tries to get sketchy with me. Seriously, though. I think all we can do is continue to spend time with the people that make us happy. If a man and woman are out to dinner and the waitress perceives it to be something it's not, oh well. And as for the man and woman enjoying a movie next to each other--if someone is feeling something, nobody else will know. So unless one of them decides it's time for a declaration of bromance or romance, we just keep going.
As for my friend from the street, as nice as he was, I'm not sure I really want to be his friend. I'm hoping I don't keep running into him, but I'm taking the bus in a little while, and the stop is right in front of his door...
I will say this: I am lucky to have some stellar influences in my life, female and male. And gosh, for the sake of drama control, remember that this is my blog where I write about whatever is on my mind. I'm writing about concepts here. So don't you boys go thinking you need to start declaring your secret love or physical repulsion to me.
Happy weekend. : )