Ya get me?

We--
(Whenever I use the word "we" here, I mean humans. I feel I know a decent enough sampling, and I'm decently observant enough to speak about our nature, though I don't claim to be an expert. Anyway, now that I've said this, I can continue.)
We spend an awful lot of time thinking about how other people feel about us. From a next door neighbor, to a colleague, to a person of romantic interest... for most of us, it matters (even just a little) what they think. And then it's quite a mission before the realization that none of it matters. Care what they think all you want. Try as you might to put your best foot, your best face, your best self forward, but in the end, you can simply. never. make anyone feel differently than they do.
Another thing you cannot do is make yourself make sense to someone else. I recently found myself contemplating the short list of those I feel really "get" me. I'm always pretty excited to feel I've added anyone to this list, because aren't these lists generally short? And it feels so good to be around those people, right? (You know, in a totally un-creepy way, I feel like this post may end up being a sort of "like" letter to a few people that may be newcomers to my list.)

Sunday night, I found myself in the company of some lovely people. One of them is someone who, until recently, was a mere acquaintance. After a few recent conversations, though, I'd say we now have a green, sprouting friendship. So let's name this boy! We'll call him Tex.
At this thing on Sunday, Tex and I found ourselves having a conversation about what I was just writing about--the rarity of those who "get" you. And then it got interesting...

A fascinating realization--when you hang out with really kind, really open people, they tell you what they think of you. More specifically, they tell you the nice things they think of you. So we're all hanging out, and I mention I've had a lot on my mind, and Tex launches into a pep talk of sorts. He tells me that even though they're just getting to know me, he and his lady think I'm awesome. And I deserve great things. And I'm such a great person. Etc.
We're often the ones who tell ourselves these things (right?). And then sometimes we brush off the compliments that come from other people (right?). This time, I chose to (humbly) absorb what Tex was saying, to treat it as a mirror of the first impression I've given. Yeah, we're all just getting to know each other, but they sense something great enough in me to wish for my happiness. Not just in the way you want the world to be happy. But in the 'you are so amazing and should never settle for anything less than what is equally amazing to you' kind of way. What a fantastic reminder that no matter how hard we are on ourselves, we are likeable and deserving.
Sure, maybe it's the equivalent of a friendship honeymoon. But I'm gonna be me and conclude that:
--Maybe there are a few more guests on my list of those that I just click with.
--Maybe we all do like each other, and it's as simple as that.
--Maybe there are nice, nice people around.
--And more than maybe, if someone believes something great about you, you better damn well believe it about yourself.

Anyway, we're having this mutual admiration fest, the conversation wanders, we're talking about some other people, and I make a comment about one of those other people being someone who "gets" me. And Tex says something surprising. He says he doubts they really do. And I think it's based on the admiration. And I think it's a sort of compliment. But it gets me thinking:
--When we think someone "gets" us, maybe they don't at all. It could be just some series of actions or events that went "well" that makes it appear as if they totally get it. If we're the only one who thinks they do, is our opinion enough? Is our opinion the only one that matters or the only one that doesn't count?
--Is it possible these new people I'm just getting to know can already know me well enough to appreciate me and "get" me in a way others don't? Did they read my energy so well?
--Or is it that they "get" the me I am right now? The people who've known me my whole life may "get" me better as a whole story of a person, but maybe these people are going to be the best at knowing present day me.
--Or don't they have a clue what they're talking about? Aren't the parties involved in a connection the only ones who know whether or not it's real? Because they are the ones feeling it... So nobody can ever comment on the connection between other people.
--And anyway, connecting with any of these people doesn't mean they "get" it, "get" me. We're supposed to trust ourselves, our own feelings. There's such the importance of knowing yourself. We're the ones who are supposed to know the answers. But then our (often times) complete inability to take our own advice nullifies any authority we have over anyone else making an observation. Maybe their objectivity is the key... Or maybe we should just get better at knowing the answers... Ha.

And another thing. With this whole Sunday crowd, all I'd done was be me. (I didn't do anything. I just was.) And that was enough to win them over. Maybe, if it's ever harder than that to connect with someone, if you don't reach some kind of mutual understanding right away, maybe they'll never get you. Maybe you'll always be under-appreciated.

I have no idea who "gets" me for sure. (Because really, there are few things we can ever know for sure.) I know I feel that these people do... and I feel some other people do. Maybe they all do. Maybe none do. I think right now I just need to believe myself on all counts.
And anyway, this whole story is really two fold. 1) My brain circle about whether or not we all really "get" each other and how to know and 2) I am really enjoying being with people who care about me in this seemingly/strangely unconditional way. These people look at me and see the good, the best parts of me that I assume people see because they're such a big part of me, that I always hope they see, those parts that I hate to learn people missed or never saw in the first place. It's really nice to be around people who see it and who appreciate it and who tell me.

While I was enjoying Sunday with the nice people...
Tex and were getting to know each other a bit, talking about song writing and aspirations and stuff. He mentioned he always wanted to be a musician. I asked him what kind of stuff he wants to do. He told me he wants to have enough of a name to change the world. That's sorta what I've always said. I do this because I love it, but if I reached the height of celebrity, I would celebrate my power to have an impact on the world much more than the power of the fame. Tex and I talked about that a little, and my faith in humanity increased for the moment as I added a tick to the list of people whose hearts are as big as their talent.
A while later, another friend and I got to talking. We're gonna call this guy FDA (based on his induction into the Future Dads of America). FDA and I somehow got into a similar conversation about our wants and about music. And out of his mouth poured a similar sentiment about wanting to change the world with his voice.
The last thing he said went something like this: "I want to change the world. But so does everybody."
I stopped him, stared him in the face, and told him that everyone, in fact, does not want to change the world. (And I happily added another tick.)

I coach gymnastics at a really great gym. Coaching at a great gym in the middle of Chicago means meeting a lot of smart, sometimes privileged, sometimes very well-educated kids. Some of the girls I coach have aspirations of being doctors and archaeologists, some are involved in more extra-curricular activities than I can count... You get the picture. I was talking with one of the girls a few weeks ago. This girl in particular frequently talks about her academic successes in every subject (except Spanish). So after learning some of the goals of the other girls, I decided that day that I would ask her about her future plans. Let's call her FOOC (Future of Our Country). The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey Fooc, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Fooc: Well... I want to be a model.
Me: Ok... But once you retire from modelling, what will you do?
Fooc: First I'll model. Then I want to marry a professional baseball or football player.
Me: Ok. But what will you do with your free time? What do you want to contribute to the world? You're on this planet, so what mark do you want to leave behind?
Fooc: My face. People will have my magazine covers to look at.

FOOC (perhaps with an alternate pronunciation)!

I've made many observations, and I have many concerns, hopes, etc. regarding the next generation based on my talks with these girls. But this one... All we need to take from this one is that not everyone wants to change the word. Some type of person wants to change the world. The optimist? The guilty? The enthusiastic?
All I know is, I like people who use exclamation points, I like optimists, and I like the special people who want to change the world. Maybe what I'm going to take from this weekend is that if I am simply myself, I will attract people who are passionate in the way I am. I will find the people who want to change the world. And if I stick with those people, I just may find that I'll always be in the presence of those who respect me, who appreciate me, and who just "get" me. And I will do my best to return the favor.