For Lindsay with an A.

1) I've been trying to write a certain song, but it turns out someone already wrote it and put it in this beautiful show I saw tonight. Another weird coincidence, and I'm wrecked and smiling--feeling the beauty, the sadness, and the hilarity (and add a little extra hilarity that I've come to expect it).

2) I love watching someone watching someone they love on stage. It is beautiful, and it makes me so happy. More than that, I love peeking over while their love is pretending to love someone else on stage. If they are still beaming, that's when it melts my heart. I want to capture it and show it to all the pessimists.

3) But this post is really for L. She bought me a pre-show drink. She sat next to me while I laughed and cried at the same time. She marveled right along with me--and maybe laughed and cried a little, too. Then she came home with me and killed a centipede in my bathtub.
I just walked her down to Badass and Tex's, and I smiled the whole way home. She moves through life with an awareness of the world that is really special. I don't say this lightly--she is such a good person. Truly good.

On Behalf of Women...

Sometimes, I'm walking down the street, and a man says something to me about my appearance, and it makes me so disgusted and angry that by the time I have my wits, it's too late to turn around and give him a piece of my mind. I'm not even talking about telling someone off--I'm talking about a few choice pieces of advice about how it won't get them too far and about how to treat or not treat women...

Anyway, thanks to the glory that is facebook, I got my chance tonight. Over the past four days, I've gotten several messages from this guy that have said "hey." And that brings us to tonight. The boy, we shall code name Craig the Perv. Perv for short. Craig the Perv because some people don't deserve anonymity.

 

Perv: 

hey

want to make some fast $$?

no?

up to $300 tonight?

 

Me (giving him the teeniest benefit of the doubt):

hi. probably not interested in whatever you want me to do.

 

Perv:

maybe if i paid more?

 

Me:

well, why don't you be less vague and tell me what it is you're paying people to do.

 

Perv:

i'll pay you to give me a sexy webcam show

 

Me:

ok craig. i hope you're ready for a dose of honesty...

 

Perv:

even something quick

 

Me:

i accepted your friend request because i saw you went to wheeling.

but seriously...

to skip over hey, how are you, etc. directly to asking someone to get naked probably isn't going to work so well for you.

 

Perv:

never know till you ask

 

Me:

also, there are few things more disgusting that a man can do to a woman other than to objectify her.

 

that's true. but to ask as the very first thing you say to a person is just about the most disrespectful thing you can do. because you're treating someone who may be amazing as a mere object.

that's what porn is for.

that is not what real women are for.

i just thought i'd let you know that it's probably not going to get you very far. it's gross.

 

Perv:

i attempted to talk to you before but you never responded

 

Me:

you said "hey"

 

Perv:

i also said "how's life" and never got anything

but if you aren't interested it's okay, i didn't mean to offent

offend^

 

(Ooo I didn't notice this before. If I had, I would have said, "No shit it's ok if I'm not interested."

 

Me:

maybe that's true... but tonight you skipped right over that... no need to re-hash... 

 

i just wanted to say this because letting it go implies that it's ok to do it.

best of luck to you, and hopefully i've given you some insight as to how gross it feels to be propositioned this way.

have a good night.

 

Perv:

sorry again

but if you ever change your mind let me know

 

Me:

craig. i cannot believe you said that. it's fucking prostitution. i just told you how disgusting i think you are, and you ask me again?

i guess some people just don't learn.

i'm gonna defriend you now, and i hope nobody else has to put up with this tonight.

 

Perv:

it's not prositution

 

Me:

paying someone to get naked... is pretty close.

again, not really interested in your defense.

good bye.

 

Perv:

bye, again sorry if i offended you

 

(yeah, i'm sure he is.)

 

 

Well, ladies. I tried.

Doors and Windows...

Almost a year and a half ago, I posted a question on facebook.
Someone I knew answered the question, causing me to meet another person who just so happened to change my life.
One day, that person offered me their extra ticket to a show.
In the show, there was this actor. That show also changed my life.
The second person introduced me to an art form I now love, and I learn that form from the actor in the show.
A few weeks ago, a creative door closed for me, and I found myself wondering why. Then a new, more important door opened on the same night of the week I used to have the other one.
And if I hadn't come back from NY, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have worked on that project I just worked on. And I wouldn't have met another person. She wouldn't have introduced me to the thing that is going to allow me to keep doing what I'm doing--and the thing that has helped me to really think about what I want from this life.
Thinking about what I really want drove this conversation I had with the second person today... I'm hoping one day I'll be able to write that that led us both somewhere great--that there was some super why under it all...
Life works in weird circles sometimes. I have to remember that everything doesn't make sense right away, but sometimes, if you just wait a bit, the reasons are revealed.
Right now, I'm trying to be patient...

On the subject of why...
I ran into Badass the other day, and we stood talking on Beacon for a while. We were both talking about this life of running from one thing to the next and barely keeping up. He asked, "How do we do it?" I said, "We just keep going." I've thought more about this since, and I honestly think the running is part of the reason we pair off. My mom always told me that if someone says they can't live without you, it's a bright red co-dependent flag. But is our co-dependent nature all bad? See, I was thinking, and you know what makes a day of running around better? Coming home to see that someone's already made dinner. If you have a running buddy, the run doesn't seem so long... And if you have a team mate, you don't have to run the whole race yourself. And instead of admitting you have two week old asparagus in the fridge, maybe you'd want to cook again. I know this isn't the most romantic thought in the world, but maybe it's human... Watching the Tonys the other night confirmed this pairing off theory for me. Wolverine said he wouldn't be where he was without his wife. So did another. And another. And sure, maybe if you look at this from a psychological perspective, they should think they can do whatever they want all on their own. Or maybe they're just being romantic. But what I think--I think they mean it. I think it's true. I think that having someone in your life who supports your dream can change your life. If you want something, and you find someone who wants the same thing, that mutual want can be the (non-fossil) fuel that drives you to happiness.

(And that's the most comically heartbreaking part. The thing you think doesn't exist is the thing I keep in my breast pocket every day.)