hammering it out...

First off, hello there T-Cat, follower #6. : )

So... it's been an eventful week.
1) Monday, the awful woman who bought the building (let's call her Building Bitch) put up signs claiming she bought the alley where we park and that renters can only park in the whopping six or so spaces in front of the building. I'm going to look into whether or not it's actually possible to claim a Chicago alley as private property. Meanwhile, she's screwed us over once again. (This story will come into play later--trust me.)
2) And then there was Tuesday. I had a coaching scheduled in the middle of the afternoon. Some of you know I'm chronically early, so I left with plenty of time to get there. I got off the highway and practiced some patience through construction. And then, while cruising through the middle lane headed toward a green light and a clear path in front of me, SMACK. My side mirror slammed into my window, and I realized I'd been hit by a big, white van. Apparently the left turn lane wasn't doing it for him, and blind spot checking is for wimps, so he just plowed right on over. I've never actually been in an accident like this behind the wheel. Last year, I got rear ended while stopped at a red light, and when the light turned green a few seconds later, the driver sped away. So this was my first 'get out and swap info and actually speak to the other party' accident. Anyway, I was fine other than a case of the super adrenaline jitters. The big, white van had a scrape on the bumper. And my poor, two year old baby looks like a giant karate chopped the doors. The Van Man was polite, though he's convinced that the lanes were just so confusing that it's a no fault case. (B.S.) And though I will fight for things to play out in my favor, I was my polite self. I didn't ream him out. I kept my cool and went on my way to a much more positive rest of the day.
3) This brings us to today in the Whole Foods parking lot. I turn down a lane to park, and almost immediately, the driver in the car next to me honks at me to roll down my window. This guy, Mr. Fix It, tells me he works in the Honda body shop by Midway, and he wants me to hire him to fix my car on the side for way less than anyone else will. He gives me an estimate and promises me he can have the car looking like new after 20 minutes of work in the lot. I tell him I need to wait to go through the proper insurance steps so that I know how much Van Man is covering, but when I do have it fixed, I'll be happy to call him first. And I'll call him. And the first thing I'll need to see are his credentials.


And then these three events collided in some deep thinking space of mine...
First of all, the accident... is just weird. This isn't a shocking, new concept or anything. But it always blows my mind how if I didn't leave so early, if I didn't take a different exit than I usually do, if I had merged one car sooner or later, it wouldn't have happened. When it's something positive, we usually work these things out as "meant to be." But am I supposed to assume the same here? So I try to at least learn something from the event. And what I keep focusing on is me afterward. I felt so aware and so shut off at the same time. I'm a lawyer's daughter, taught to say as little as possible in these situations. I know I need information from this guy. I need to hear what he's saying. I need to get all of his information. I need to check it to make sure it looks accurate. I need to keep my cool because this is a man I do not know. I went into full on survival mode. I was still able to check things off the "I know" list, but I was somewhere else. I left some overly polite person to handle the business and left myself processing the reality somewhere else. And you know, Van Man and I were both so polite, I hope I didn't get screwed somewhere in that ordeal. That was my concern today. I don't know Mr. Fix It. And because I don't know him, I have to create some way of assessing whether or not he's trying to scam me or whether he's just a nice guy who saw a mutually beneficial situation. If I trust him, I'm naive, and if I don't, I'm jaded. And that's what I realized today.
I realized that as a nice person, I have to constantly, constantly assess the intentions of every person I meet. I feel completely trampled by Building Bitch on Monday, so Wednesday, I am quick to assume the worst. And I find this fact of my life right now to be really... icky.
I have an aunt who made a choice to stay away from big cities and only live in small towns--communities. And after years of not being able to imagine being so cut off, I got it. She only lives where you know your neighbors, and you know their intentions match yours. She doesn't have to think constantly about whether she is talking to another good human being or one who is trying to take her on a ride toward some sinister plan.
So, a question from this squishy optimist... How do I spot the good ones? As a squishy, I wish I could assume the best in everyone, but I feel like I'm supposed to assume that I should protect myself until they prove themselves innocent. That sounds responsible, and in my business, I think it's somewhat necessary. But it also sounds really... sad... like a really judgmental, pessimistic way to live...
The only solution I've come up with is to use my instincts--I figure most of the time, they should be right. That's the scientific answer for us all, right? What I do know is that I cannot be constantly reminded of how much darkness there is. The answer that I find will have to reconcile responsibility and positivity.
What do you think?